Dear ABBY: My husband and I have three grown children who still live at home. I had always thought that once they graduated from college and got good jobs, they would start paying rent. Because my husband had to pay rent while he was still living at home, he said he would never do that with his kids.
Our oldest, “Samantha”, is now 31 years old. She has a well-paid job and drives an expensive car. She barely does anything around the house but buys her own food and toiletries.
The other two help tremendously around the house, often without being asked. Samantha sometimes does something, but I have to ask a few times, and it’s usually weeks before it’s done. She can’t afford to leave because she has huge student loan debt. Plus, why would she move when she lives rent-free and comes and goes as she pleases? Even her dog lives here for free.
My husband and I have had many discussions about this, at my instigation, and it causes us to fight and I feel resentful towards him. I couldn’t implement anything without his support because, apparently, my opinion doesn’t matter, so I just stand there mad and wonder why I’m here. How can I make him realize how wrong he is and finally stop our daughter from walking all over us? – FRUSTRATED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Disputes over child rearing have destroyed marriages. Children should never be allowed to come between parents, which seems to have happened in your case. The fact that your husband makes you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter is terrible. Does this lack of respect spill over into other aspects of your relationship besides this dispute? At 31 (!) and gainfully employed, your daughter should have started taking some responsibility for herself years ago. Discuss this with a licensed mental health professional and you can learn to become safer.
Dear ABBY: I am in a relationship with a loving man. He respects, appreciates, and accepts me (flaws and all), and we get along great. He is my other half.
Things are great, except he’s been breathing really awful lately, like a bad tooth or something. I’ve always been the quiet, shy type, never mentioning things that bother me (the father of my children abused me for several years) and I’m uncomfortable talking. But Abby, his bad breath drives me crazy. When he tries to kiss me, I give him a few thrusts, but I feel repulsed by the unpleasant smell.
How do I handle this with tact and respect? I don’t want to embarrass him. How do I bring this up? – ASK IN MASSACHUSETTS
HONORABLE REMOVED: Bring this on note as a critic, but because you love and care for him. So it is not for yourself, but away HIM. He may have problems with his teeth, gums or digestive system. For the sake of his general health, he should be checked out, first with his dentist and possibly later with his doctor.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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